Amazing story (vid)

BUSTED!! (vid)

Automated Phone Hell...

http://automatedphonehell.com

TV host get bit by snake (vid)

Smoking Russian Kid (vid)

Wanna play some ball?? (vid)

New Checkout Technology (vid)

Taxi Please... (vid)

Friday vs Monday (vid)

Must Gum Ad (vid)

Dad's Babysitting??? (vid)

Forgot something... (vid)

Balls to the Face (vid)

Drowning prank (vid)

Britney what?? (vid)

LOL!!

Beat Box (vid)

Police Prank (vid)

Mr Bean... (vid)

Funny clips (vid)

Small Man Comedy (vid)

New from Glade (vid)

How much do you weigh?? (vid)

Need a Job? (vid)

Skunk Prank (vid)

This is how you stop a goal!! (vid)

Hot Couple... (vid)

Hello I am... (pic)

How to put on a Bra (vid)

Snooze... (vid)

Amazing Guitar Duet (vid)

NY man loses prosthetic leg while skydiving

POUGHKEEPSIE, N.Y. - An upstate New York man says he's still upbeat despite losing the same leg twice. Scott Listemann told the Poughkeepsie Journal that he laughs about losing his foot and lower leg "both the first time and the second time." Poughkeepsie man lost his leg below the knee in a November, 2007 accident. Listemann, 47, lost his prosthetic leg last month while skydiving in upstate New York. The lower leg below the knee, with a foot clad in a running shoe, flew off after he jumped from the plane but before the parachute opened. Listemann says he's sure "it will show up eventually."Listemann has distributed flyers throughout upstate Gardiner and hopes someone will find his prosthetic leg and call him.

Contest

Pinocchio, Snow White and Superman are walking in the street when they come across a sign:

"Beauty contest for the most beautiful woman in the world."

"I am entering," said Snow White. After half an hour she comes out and they ask her, "Well, how was it?"

" First Place ", said Snow White.

They continue walking and they see a sign: "Contest for the strongest man in the world."

"I'm entering," says Superman and after half an hour he returns and they ask him, "How was it?"

" First Place ," answers Superman.

They continue walking when they see a sign: "Contest! Who is the greatest liar in the world?"

Pinocchio enters. After half an hour he returns with tears in his eyes. "What happened?" they asked,

"Who is this Clinton?" asked Pinocchio.

REPLACEMENT WINDOWS

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with an expensive double-pane energy efficient kind.

Today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago, and I still hadn't paid for them.

Well, hellloooo,........... just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid.

So, I told him exactly what his fast talking sales guy had told me last year, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves!

Helllooooo? It's been a year! I told him.

There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up. He never called back. Guess I won that stupid argument.

I bet he felt like an idiot.

Drunk infiltrates team of firefighters

Firefighters called to a blaze at an apartment building in a southern
German town were astonished to discover a fully equipped extremely drunk
imposter in their ranks, police said on Thursday.

On hearing the alarm, the 38-year-old man had rushed to the fire
station, was helped into protective clothing and helmet by unsuspecting
firefighters and boarded the fire engine, a spokesman for Suedhessen
police said.

After arriving at the apartments, firefighters quickly realized the man
was an imposter and called the police, he added.
"When fire breaks out, it's all hands on deck!" the man told officers
when questioned about his motives. He was released without charge after
sobering up overnight in a police cell.

50 Reasons Why Beer Is Better Than A Woman

At some point in time you’re going to wish you had a beer instead of a woman, and here’s the reasons why:

1: Beer doesn’t mind if you share it
2: You can enjoy a beer all day, every day
3: It’s OK to have a beer anytime of the month
4: A beer is always satisfying
5: You can take as many beers as you want home
6: Beer doesn’t get jealous when you grab another
7: You can have a beer whenever you want
8: Beer can’t get pregnant
9: You can always trust your beer
10: It’s easy to get rid of beer you don’t want
11: You can’t catch STD’s from your own beer
12: Beer gets lighter the longer you hold it
13: Beer doesn’t grow hair in places it shouldn’t
14: It’s ok to go home with a different beer
15: Beer always looks good no matter the packaging
16: It’s ok to go to sleep when you’ve had a beer
17: Beer doesn’t complain how cold it is
18: Your last beer won’t fight with your new beer
19: You don’t have to talk to your beer
20: You know how much a beer costs when you get it
21: Beer doesn’t have interfering parents
22: A beer won’t mind if you lock it up
23: A beer doesn’t need to wash before it tastes good
24: You can’t get arrested for burying a beer
25: A beer isn’t embarrassing when you take it out
26: A beer doesn’t expect you to marry it
27: It’s OK to have a beer on the bus
28: A beer won’t file a divorce suit against you
29: When you have a beer you know what you’re getting
30: A beer wont cheat on you with another man
31: Beer doesn’t take hours for it to be ready
32: A beer doesn’t care how much you earn
33: A beer doesn’t care where you take it
34: A beer won’t call you when you’ve had enough
35: Beer doesn’t need an answer for everything
36: It’s not illegal to sell your beer to a friend
37: You don’t need to drive a beer to its friends house
38: A beer won’t tell you to change the channel
39: A beer is always wet
40: A beer always hits the spot
41: You can give unwanted beer away without hassle
42: Beer doesn’t complain when it goes flat
43: If the beer is poured correctly, you get good head
44: A beer won’t say to you, “does my ass look big in this”
45: You can sleep with as many beers as you want
46: Beer doesn’t expect you to buy it presents
47: Beer doesn’t bleed on a regular occurrence
48: You can do what you want with a beer
49: A beer won’t mind you going out with your friends
50: It’s OK to leave a beer outside in the cold

5 Year Old... (pic)

My five-year old students, are learning to read.

Yesterday one of them pointed at a picture in a zoo book and said,

'Look at this! It's a frickin' elephant!'

I took a deep breath, then asked... 'What did you call it?'

'It's a frickin' elephant! It says so on the picture!'

And so it does...

'A-f-r-i-c-a-n Elephant'

Hooked on phonics! Ain't it wonderful?

How do these people survive? Part 9

A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid was eating ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and it should be fine The mother says, I just gave him some ant killer..... Dispatcher: Rush him in to emergency room!

How do these people survive? Part 8

Police in Radnor , Pa. interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message 'He's lying' was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the 'lie detector' was working, the suspect confessed.

How do these people survive? Part 7

My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: 'I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?'

How do these people survive? Part 6

I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in 'Twister.' I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the 'cruise control' and then went in the back to make a sandwich.

How do these people survive? Part 5

Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?' 'Just use copier machine paper,' the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five 'blank' copies.

How do these people survive? Part 4

I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. 'Do you need some help?' I asked. She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door un-locker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?' 'Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked. 'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk.'

Funny Opera (vid)

How do these people survive? Part 3

A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM 'thingy.'

How do these people survive? Part 2

I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those 'dividers' that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the 'divider', looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?' I said to her 'I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today.' She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.

How do these people survive? Part 1

Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. 'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the counter. 'You don't?' I replied. 'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply . 'So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?' 'That's right.' So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets

A REDNECK LOVE POEM

SUSIE LEE DONE FELL IN LOVE,
SHE PLANNED TO MARRY JOE.
SHE WAS SO HAPPY 'BOUT IT ALL,
SHE TOLD HER PAPPY SO.

PAPPY TOLD HER, SUSIE GAL,
YOU'LL HAVE TO FIND ANOTHER.
I'D JUST AS SOON YO' MA DON'T KNOW,
BUT JOE IS YO' HALF BROTHER.

SO SUSIE PUT ASIDE HER JOE
AND PLANNED TO MARRY WILL.
BUT AFTER TELLING PAPPY THIS,
HE SAID, 'THERE'S TROUBLE STILL.

YOU CAN'T MARRY WILL, MY GAL,
AND PLEASE DON'T TELL YO' MOTHER.
BUT WILL AND JOE, AND SEVERAL MO'
I KNOW IS YO' HALF BROTHER.

BUT MAMA KNEW AND SAID, MY CHILD,
JUST DO WHAT MAKES YO' HAPPY.
MARRY WILL OR MARRY JOE;
YOU AIN'T NO KIN TO PAPPY.

ADG Security (Vid)

5 Min max Parking (vid)

Amazingly Simple Home Remedies

A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from
rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

1. 
   If
   you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be
   afraid to cough.
2. 
   Clumsy?
   Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else
   to hold them while you chop away.
3. 
   Men:
   Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply
   using the sink.
4. 
   For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few
   minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a
   timer.
5. 
   Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer, and you will forget all about the toothache.

Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are. You only need two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.


Remember:



* Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

* Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.

* If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You got another chance!


And finally, be really nice to your family and
friends; you never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan.