Really Sucks... (vid)

Not Funny (vid)

Rejected Mail (vid)

Check the car first... (vid)

Do not try this at home... (vid)

Bad Day... Part 3 (vid)

Bad Day... Part 2 (vid)

Bad Day... Part 1 (vid)

Nice Accidents (vid)

Disturbing DO NOT WATCH IF YOU DONT LIKE GORY

Bad search of perp:

Taking baby for a walk??? (vid)

Parking Ticket... Part 2 (vid)

Parking ticket... part 1 (vid)

Revenge (vid)

Nice Moves... (vid)

Senior Romance

This is the story of two elderly people living in a mobile home park in Florida .

He was a widower and she a widow.

They had known each other for a number of years.

One evening there was a community supper at the Club House. The widower and the widow went with two other singles.

They had a wonderful evening and spirits were high.

The widower sent a few admiring glances across the table and the widow smiled coyly back at him.

Finally he plucked up his courage to ask her,

"Will you marry me?"

After about six seconds of careful consideration, she answered,

"Yes, Yes I Will."

The meal ended with a few more pleasant exchanges and they went to their respective homes.

The next morning the widower was troubled.

Did she say Yes or did she say No?

He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall.

He went over the conversation of the previous evening, but his mind was blank.

He remembered asking the question, but for the life of him could not recall her response.

With fear and trepidation, he picked up the phone and called her.

First he explained that he didn't remember as well as he used to.

Then he reviewed the lovely evening past.

As he gained a little more courage, he then inquired of her:

"When I asked if you would marry me, did you say Yes or did you say No?"

"Why you silly man, I said Yes Yes I will. And I meant it with all my heart."

The widower was delighted. He felt his heart skip a beat.

Then she continued.......................

"And I am so glad you called, because I couldn't remember who asked me."

Questions that haunt someone...

If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or shoplifting?

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Can you cry under water?

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How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

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Why do you have to 'put your two cents in'.. but it's only a 'penny for your thoughts'? Where's that extra penny going to?

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Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

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Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

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What disease did cured ham actually have?

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How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

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Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every two hours?

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If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

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Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

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Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

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Why do doctors leave the room while you change?
They're going to see you naked anyway.

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Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?

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Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

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If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

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Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

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Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
They're both dogs!

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If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

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If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

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Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

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Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

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Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

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Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

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New Airline Rules

NEW AIRLINE RULES

Attendant: Welcome aboard Ala Carte Air, sir. May I see your ticket?

Passenger: Sure.

Attendant: You're in seat 12B.. That will be $5, please!

Passenger: What for?

Attendant: For telling you where to sit.

Passenger: But I already knew where to sit.

Attendant: Nevertheless, we are now charging a seat locator fee of $5.

It's the airline's new policy.

Passenger: That's the craziest thing I ever heard. I won't pay it.

Attendant: Sir, do you want a seat on this flight, or not?

Passenger: Yes, yes. All right, I'll pay. But the airline is going to hear about this.

Attendant: Thank you. My goodness, your carry-on bag looks heavy.

Would you like me to stow it in the overhead compartment for you?

Passenger: That would be swell, thanks.

Attendant: No problem. Up we go, and done! That will be $10, please.

Passenger: What?

Attendant: The airline now charges a $10 carry-on assistance fee.

Passenger: This is extortion. I won't stand for it.

Attendant: Actually, you're right, you can't stand. You need to sit,

And fasten your seat belt. We're about to push back from the gate. But, first I need that $10.

Passenger: No way!

Attendant: Sir, if you don't comply, I will be forced to call the air marshal.

And you really don't want me to do that.

Passenger: Why not? Is he going to shoot me?

Attendant: No, but there's a $50 air-marshal hailing fee..

Passenger: Oh, all right, here, take the $10. I can't believe this.

Attendant: Thank you for your cooperation, sir. Is there anything else I can do for you?

Passenger: Yes. It's stuffy in here, and my overhead fan doesn't seem to work. Can you fix it?

Attendant: Your overhead fan is not broken, sir. Just insert two quarters into the

Overhead coin slot for the first five minutes.

Passenger: The airline is charging me for cabin air?

Attendant: Of course not, sir. Stagnant cabin air is provided free of charge.

It's the circulating air that costs 50 cents.

Passenger: I don't have any quarters. Can you make change for a dollar?

Attendant: Certainly, sir! Here you go!

Passenger: But you've given me only three quarters for my dollar.

Attendant: Yes, there's a change making fee of 25 cents.

Passenger: For cryin' out loud. All I have left is a lousy quarter?

What the heck can I do with this?

Attendant: Hang onto it. You'll need it later for the lavatory.

Name is what??

Army Medical

When his son refused to get a job, his father insisted he join the Army.

At the induction physical, the medical doctor directed the reluctant recruit to read the eye chart across the room.

What chart doc?' the young man asked.

'The one on the wall!' The doctor said.

'What wall?'

Sensing he had a deadbeat on his hands, the doctor asked his beautiful nurse to strip and walk in naked. 'What do you see now son?'

' Doc, I can't see a thing, I'm blind as a bat.'

'Well, you may not see anything,' the doctor said, 'but your dick is pointing straight toward Fort Campbell !!

'Pack your bags and welcome to the U.S. Army my boy.

Italian Bike Show (vid)

Beer Brothers

A man walks into a pub and says, "Give me three pints of Guinness, please."

So the bartender brings him three pints and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they're gone.

He then orders three more and the bartender says, "Sir, I know you like them cold, so you can start with one and I'll bring you a fresh one as soon as you're low."

The man says, "You don't understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the States. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night we'd still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three Guinness Stouts too and we're drinking together."

The bartender thinks it's a wonderful tradition and every week he sets up the guy's three beers as soon as he enters in the bar. Then one week, the man comes in and orders only two. He drinks them, then orders two more. The bartender sadly says, "Knowing your tradition, I'd just like to just say that I'm sorry that one of your brothers died."

The man replies, "Oh, my brothers are fine - I just quit drinking."

An Inspiring Picture.....

It is amazing that this photo, taken so many years ago, actually still exists!

And now someone has put it online for all of us to see. This INCREDIBLE picture was taken in 1918.

It is 18,000 men preparing for war at a training camp at Camp Dodge in Iowa .

His side vs her side

A little girl asked her mother, 'How did the human race appear?'

The mother answered, 'God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so was all mankind made.'

Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.

The father answered, 'Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.'

The confused girl returned to her mother and said, 'Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?'

The mother answered, 'Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his.

Talking Clock

A drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night. He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet.




'What's that big brass gong?' one of the guests asked.

'It's not a gong. It's a talking clock', the drunk replied.

'A talking clock? Seriously?' asked his astonished friend.

'Yup,' replied the drunk.

'How's it work?' the friend asked, squinting at it.

'Watch,' the drunk replied. He picked up the mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound, and stepped back.

The three stood looking at one another for a moment.......

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, 'You idiot! It's three-fifteen in the morning!

Bathtub test

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director how
do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

'Well,' said the Director, 'we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a
teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to
empty the bathtub

'Oh, I understand,' said the visitor. 'A normal person would use the
bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup.'

'No.' said the Director, 'A normal person would pull the plug. Do you
want a bed near the window or the door?'

Hungry at the 2008 Olympics?? (pics)

When your wife doesnt listen... (vid)

The Veterinarian

One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the Pastor of
a small church found a pink envelope containing $1,000. It happened
again the next week.

The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw
an elderly woman put the distinctive pink envelope on the plate. This
went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached
her.

'Ma'am, I couldn't help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the
collection plate,' he stated.

'Why yes,' she replied, 'every week my son sends me money and I give
some of it to the church'

The pastor replied, 'That's wonderful. But $1000 is a lot, are you sure
you can afford this? How much does he send you?'

The elderly woman answered, '$10,000 a week.'

The pastor was amazed. 'Your son is very successful; what does he do for
a living?'

'He is a veterinarian,' she answered. 'That's an honorable profession,
but I had no idea they made that much money,' the pastor said. 'Where
does he practice?'

The woman answered proudly, 'In Nevada. He has two cat houses, one in
Las Vegas, and one in Reno.'

Painting Job... (vid)

Why I didnt Make the Olympics (vid)

Female Drivers (vid)

Israeli Kinesset in session... (vid)

Weather Ebonics

Well, it appears our African-American friends have found yet something else to be pissed about. A black congresswoman (this would be Sheila Jackson Lee, of Houston ), reportedly complained that the names of hurricanes are all Caucasian sounding names. She would prefer some names that reflect African-American culture such as Chamiqua, Tanisha, Woeisha, Shaqueal, and Jamal. I am NOT making this up!

She would also like the weather reports to be broadcast in 'language' that street people can understand because one of the problems that happened in New Orleans was, that black people couldn 't understand the seriousness of the situation, due to the racially biased language of the weather report.

I guess if the weather person says that the winds are going to blow at 140+ MPH, thats too hard to understand. I can hear it now: A weatherman in New Orleans says...

Wazzup, mutha-fukkas! Hehr-i-cane Chamiqua be headin' fo' yo ass like Leroy on a crotch rocket! Bitch be a category fo'! So, turn off dem chitlins, grab yo' chirren, leave yo crib, and head fo' de nearest FEMA office fo yo FREE shit!

Google (pic)