The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was
having sex.
Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family's status, she consulted the family doctor.
The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.
Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the woman told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms.
The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother saying:
"Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!"
Sunday, April 6, 2008
Church
A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the
preacher's hand. He said "Preacher, I'll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon. Damned good!"
The preacher said, "Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use
profanity."
The man said, "I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five
thousand dollars in the offering plate!"
The preacher said, "No shit?"
preacher's hand. He said "Preacher, I'll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon. Damned good!"
The preacher said, "Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use
profanity."
The man said, "I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five
thousand dollars in the offering plate!"
The preacher said, "No shit?"
Pancakes
Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor.
With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis.
After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, "Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem."
The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table.
"Gee, Mom," he exclaimed. "For me?"
"Just take two," Brenda replied . "The rest are for your father."
With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis.
After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, "Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem."
The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table.
"Gee, Mom," he exclaimed. "For me?"
"Just take two," Brenda replied . "The rest are for your father."
Birthday Reminder
This week we celebrate a special birthday. Monica Lewinsky turned 31.
Can you believe it? It seems like only yesterday she was crawling around the White House on her hands and knees, and putting everything in her mouth.
They grow up so fast, don't they?
'THE DUMBEST GUY ON EARTH!' (pic)
This picture is real - not doctored in any way - and was taken by a Transportation Supervisor for a company that delivers building materials for 84 Lumber. When he saw it in the parking lot of IHOP, he went to buy a camera to take pictures.
The car is still running, as can be witnessed by the exhaust. The driver finally came back after the police were called, and was found crouched behind the rear of the car, attempting to cut the twine around the load! Luckily, the police stopped him and had the load removed. The materials
were loaded at Home Depot. Their store manager said they made the customer sign awaiver. While the plywood and 2X4's are fairly obvious, what you can't see is the back seat, which contains (are you ready for this?) 10 bags of concrete @ 80 lbs. each. They estimated the load weight at 3000 lbs. Both back tires exploded, the wheels bent and the rear shocks were driven through the floorboard.
And these people VOTE!
Affairs
The 1st Affair:
>
> A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
>
> One day they went her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.
>
> The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.
>
> He put on his shoes and drove home.
>
> "Where have you been?" his wife demanded.
>
> "I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon."
>
> "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!"
>
> The 2nd Affair:
>
> A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son.
>
> They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
>
> The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.
>
> The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.
>
> He was horrified at the ug liest child he had ever seen.
>
> He told his wife, "There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?"
>
> The wife smiled sweetly and replied, "Not this time!"
>
> The 3rd Affair:
>
> A mortician was working late one night.
>
> He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery. Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen!
>
> "I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician commented, "I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for posterity."
>
> So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home.
>
> "I have to show you something you won't believe," he said to his wife, opening his briefcase.
>
> "My God!" the wife exclaimed, "Schwartz is dead?!?!"
>
>
> The 4th Affair:
>
> A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.
>
> "Hu rry," she said, "stand in the corner."
>
> She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.
>
> "Don't move until I tell you," she said. "Pretend you're a statue."
>
> "What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
>
> "Oh it's a statue." she replied. "The Smith's bought one and I liked it so much I got one for us, too."
>
> No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
>
> Around 2 am. the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.
>
> "Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smith's and nobody offered me a damned thing."
> The 5th Affair:
>
> A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and
> ordered a beer.
>
> "Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent."
>
> "One Cent?" the man thought.
>
> He glanced at the menu and asked, "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?"
>
> "A nickel," the barman replied.
>
> "A nickel?" exclaimed the man, "Where's the guy who owns this place?"
>
> The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife."
>
> The man asked, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
>
> The bartender replied, "The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."
>
> The 6th Affair:
>
> Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.
>
> He looked up and said weakly, "I have something I must confess."
>
> "There's no need to," his wife replied.
>
> "No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"
>
> "I know, I know," she replied. "Now just rest and let the poison work."
>
> A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
>
> One day they went her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.
>
> The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.
>
> He put on his shoes and drove home.
>
> "Where have you been?" his wife demanded.
>
> "I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon."
>
> "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!"
>
> The 2nd Affair:
>
> A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son.
>
> They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
>
> The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.
>
> The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.
>
> He was horrified at the ug liest child he had ever seen.
>
> He told his wife, "There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?"
>
> The wife smiled sweetly and replied, "Not this time!"
>
> The 3rd Affair:
>
> A mortician was working late one night.
>
> He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery. Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen!
>
> "I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician commented, "I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for posterity."
>
> So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home.
>
> "I have to show you something you won't believe," he said to his wife, opening his briefcase.
>
> "My God!" the wife exclaimed, "Schwartz is dead?!?!"
>
>
> The 4th Affair:
>
> A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.
>
> "Hu rry," she said, "stand in the corner."
>
> She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.
>
> "Don't move until I tell you," she said. "Pretend you're a statue."
>
> "What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
>
> "Oh it's a statue." she replied. "The Smith's bought one and I liked it so much I got one for us, too."
>
> No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
>
> Around 2 am. the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.
>
> "Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smith's and nobody offered me a damned thing."
> The 5th Affair:
>
> A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and
> ordered a beer.
>
> "Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent."
>
> "One Cent?" the man thought.
>
> He glanced at the menu and asked, "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?"
>
> "A nickel," the barman replied.
>
> "A nickel?" exclaimed the man, "Where's the guy who owns this place?"
>
> The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife."
>
> The man asked, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
>
> The bartender replied, "The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."
>
> The 6th Affair:
>
> Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.
>
> He looked up and said weakly, "I have something I must confess."
>
> "There's no need to," his wife replied.
>
> "No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"
>
> "I know, I know," she replied. "Now just rest and let the poison work."
Beggars
Two beggars are standing side by side on a street in Rome. One is standing in front of a cross, the other in front of a star of David. Many people walk by and look at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of the beggar standing in front of the Cross. A priest comes by and watches throngs of people giving money to the beggar in front of the cross, but none give to the beggar in front of the star of David. Finally, the priest goes over to the beggar in front of the star of David and says "My poor fellow, don't you understand? This is a catholic country. People are not going to give you money if you are standing in front of the star of David, especially when you're standing right next to a beggar that has a cross. In fact, they would probably give extra to him just to spite you!"
The beggar with the Star of David listens to the priest, and then turns to the beggar with the cross and says "Moishe, look who's trying to teach the Goldstein brothers about marketing!".
Tenjooberrymuds
You may need a little patience, but read slowly and laugh for a while!
We do live in America, Right?????
We do live in America, Right?????
By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND "TENJOOBERRYMUDS"...
In order to continue getting-by in America (our home land), we all need to learn the NEW English language! Practice by reading the following conversation until you are able to understand the term "TENJOOBERRYMUDS".
With a little patience, you'll be able to fit right in.
The following is a telephone exchange between maybe you as a hotel guest and call room-service somewhere in the good old U S A today......
Room Service : "Morrin. Roon sirbees."
Guest : "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."
Room Service: " Rye. Roon sirbees...morrin! Joowish to oddor sunteen???"
Guest: "Uh..... Yes, I'd like to order bacon and eggs."
Room Service: "Ow July den?"
Guest: ".....What??"
Room Service: "Ow July den?!?... Pryed, boyud, poochd?"
Guest: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry.. Scrambled, please."
Room Service: "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?"
Guest: "Crisp will be fine."
Room Service: "Hokay. An Sahn toes?"
Guest: "What?"
Room Service: "An toes. July Sahn toes?"
Guest: "I... Don't think so."
RoomService: "No? Judo wan sahn toes???"
Guest: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toes' means."
RoomService: "Toes! Toes!...Why Joo don Juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?"
Guest: "Oh, English muffin!!!; I've got it! You were saying 'toast'... Fine...Yes, an English muffin will be fine."
RoomService: "We bodder?"
Guest: "No, just put the bodder on the side."
RoomService: "Wad?!?"
Guest: "I mean butter... Just put the butter on the side."
RoomService: "Copy?"
Guest: "Excuse me?"
RoomService: "Copy...tea..meel?"
Guest: "Yes. Coffee, please... And that's everything."
RoomService: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin, we bodder on sigh and copy ... Rye??"
Guest: "Whatever you say."
RoomService: "Tenjooberrymuds."
Guest: "You're welcome"
Remember I said "By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND 'TENJOOBERRYMUDS' ".....and you do don't you!
Redneck Tank Top
It might take you a minute--I think now I can say--'I've seen it all'
Redneck tank top...seen recently at a tractor pull.
Look Closely!!
Redneck tank top...seen recently at a tractor pull.
Look Closely!!
A Few Beers
Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar. After awhile, one guy looks at the other and says, "I can't help but think, from listening to you, that you're from Ireland."
The other guy responds proudly, "Yes, that I am!"
The first guy says, "So am I! And where about from Ireland might you be"?
The other guy answers, "I'm from Dublin, I am."
The first guy responds, "So am I!"
"Sure and begora. And what street did you live on in Dublin
The other guy says, "A lovely little area it was. I lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town."
The first guy says, "Faith and it's a small world. So did I! So did I! And to what school would you have been going"?
The other guy answers, "Well now, I went to St. Mary's, of course."
The first guy gets really excited and says, "And so did I. Tell me, what year did you graduate"?
The other guy answers, "Well, now, let's see. I graduated in 1964."
The first guy exclaims, "The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same bar tonight. Can you believe it, I graduated from St. Mary's in 1964 my own self!"
About this time, Vicky walks into the bar, sits down and orders a beer.
Brian, the bartender, walks over to Vicky, shaking his head and mutters, "It's going to be a long night tonight."
Vicky asks, "Why do you say that, Brian"?
"The Murphy twins are drunk again."
The other guy responds proudly, "Yes, that I am!"
The first guy says, "So am I! And where about from Ireland might you be"?
The other guy answers, "I'm from Dublin, I am."
The first guy responds, "So am I!"
"Sure and begora. And what street did you live on in Dublin
The other guy says, "A lovely little area it was. I lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town."
The first guy says, "Faith and it's a small world. So did I! So did I! And to what school would you have been going"?
The other guy answers, "Well now, I went to St. Mary's, of course."
The first guy gets really excited and says, "And so did I. Tell me, what year did you graduate"?
The other guy answers, "Well, now, let's see. I graduated in 1964."
The first guy exclaims, "The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same bar tonight. Can you believe it, I graduated from St. Mary's in 1964 my own self!"
About this time, Vicky walks into the bar, sits down and orders a beer.
Brian, the bartender, walks over to Vicky, shaking his head and mutters, "It's going to be a long night tonight."
Vicky asks, "Why do you say that, Brian"?
"The Murphy twins are drunk again."
Jewish Computer
1) The 'Start' button has been replaced with a 'Let's go!! I'm not getting any younger!' button.
2) You hear 'Hava Nagila' during startup.
3) The cursor moves from right to left.
4) When Spell-checker finds an error it prompts, 'Is this the best you can do?'
5) When you look at erotic images, your computer says, 'If your mother knew you did this, she would die.'
6) It comes with a 'monitor cleaning solution' from Manischewitz that gets rid of all the 'schmutz und drek.'
7) When running 'Scan Disk' it prompts you with a 'You want I should fix this?' message.
8) After 20 minutes of no activity, your PC goes 'Schloffen.'
9) The PC shuts down automatically at sundown on Friday evenings.
10) It comes with two hard drives--one for fleyshedik (business software) and one for milchedik (games).
11) Instead of getting a 'General Protection Fault' error, your PC now gets 'Ferklempt.'
12) The multimedia player has been renamed to 'Nu, so play my music already!' corner.
13) When your PC is working too hard, you occasionally hear a loud 'Oy Gevalt!'
14) Computer viruses can now be cured with matzo ball soup.
16) When disconnecting external devices from the PC, you are instructed to 'Remove the cable from the PC's tuchus.'
17) After your computer dies, you have to dispose of it within 24 hours.
18) But best of all, if you have a kosher computer, you can't get SPAM...
2) You hear 'Hava Nagila' during startup.
3) The cursor moves from right to left.
4) When Spell-checker finds an error it prompts, 'Is this the best you can do?'
5) When you look at erotic images, your computer says, 'If your mother knew you did this, she would die.'
6) It comes with a 'monitor cleaning solution' from Manischewitz that gets rid of all the 'schmutz und drek.'
7) When running 'Scan Disk' it prompts you with a 'You want I should fix this?' message.
8) After 20 minutes of no activity, your PC goes 'Schloffen.'
9) The PC shuts down automatically at sundown on Friday evenings.
10) It comes with two hard drives--one for fleyshedik (business software) and one for milchedik (games).
11) Instead of getting a 'General Protection Fault' error, your PC now gets 'Ferklempt.'
12) The multimedia player has been renamed to 'Nu, so play my music already!' corner.
13) When your PC is working too hard, you occasionally hear a loud 'Oy Gevalt!'
14) Computer viruses can now be cured with matzo ball soup.
16) When disconnecting external devices from the PC, you are instructed to 'Remove the cable from the PC's tuchus.'
17) After your computer dies, you have to dispose of it within 24 hours.
18) But best of all, if you have a kosher computer, you can't get SPAM...
WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED:
Men Are Just Happier People--
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack.
You can never be pregnant.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks and engines. A ten-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier.
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack.
You can never be pregnant.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks and engines. A ten-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier.
5 MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel, "
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
"Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129
It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
Puff! She's gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii,relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
Puff! He's gone.
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4:
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"
The eagle answered: " Sure , why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested.
All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 5:
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
BullShit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel, "
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
"Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129
It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
Puff! She's gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii,relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
Puff! He's gone.
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4:
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"
The eagle answered: " Sure , why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested.
All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 5:
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
BullShit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
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