PONDERISMS

* I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people
die of natural causes.


* Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are
removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes
out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.


* The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a
replacement.


* Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.



* Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying
of nothing.


* Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one
talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?


* Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.


* All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention
to criticism.



* How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a
whole box to start a campfire?


* Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?


* If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?


If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?


* Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?


* Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at
you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?


* Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?


Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?