Israeli personal ads

These are supposed to be actual Personal Ads from Israeli newspapers:

Shmuel Gabbai, 36.

I take out the Torah Saturday morning.

Would like to take you out Saturday night.

Please write POB 81.

Couch potato latke in search

of the right applesauce.

Let's try it for 8 days.

Who knows?

POB 43

Divorced Jewish man seeks partner to attend shul

light shabbos candles,

celebrate holidays,

build Sukkah together,

attend brisses, bar mitzvahs -

Religion not important.

POB 658

Orthodox woman with get, seeks man who got get

or can get get.

Get it?

I'll show you mine

if you show me yours.

POB 72.

Sincere rabbinical student, 27, enjoys Yom Kippur,

Tisha B'av, Taanis Esther, Tzom Gedalia,

Asarah B'Teves, Shiva Asar b'Tammuz.

Seeks companion for living life in the 'fast' lane.

POB 90.

Yeshiva bochur, Torah scholar, long beard, payos.

Seeks same in woman.

POB 43.

Nice Jewish guy, 38.

No skeletons.

No baggage.

No personality.

POB 76

Female graduate student,

studying kaballah, Zohar,

exorcism of dybbuks,

seeks mensch.

No weirdos, please.

POB 56.

Jewish businessman, 49, manufactures Sabbath

candles, Chanukah candles, havdallah candles,

Yahrzeit candles. Seeks non-smoker.

POB 787.

I am a sensitive Jewish prince whom you can open

your heart to, share your innermost thoughts

and deepest secrets. Confide in me. I'll understand

your insecurities. No fatties, please

POB 86.

Jewish male, 34, very successful, smart,

independent, self-made, looking for girl

whose father will hire me.

POB 43