Help your friendly neighborhood criminal... (vid)

Mt Rushmore (pic)

Ever wondered what the back of Mount Rushmore looked like??

Beer Please

Four leaders of the big beer companies meet for a drink. The president of Budweiser orders a Bud. Miller's president orders a Millers and the president of Coors orders a Coors. When it is Guinness turn to order he orders a soda. Why didn't you order a Guinness everyone asks? Nah Guinness replies. If you guys aren't having a beer neither will I.

EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH

A young guy from Wisconsin moves to Florida and goes to a big everything-under-one-roof department store looking for a job.

The Manager says, 'Do you have any sales experience?'

The kid says 'Yeah. I was a salesman back in Wisconsin .'

Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. 'You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did.'

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it.

After the store was locked up, the boss came down. 'How many customers bought something from you today?'

The kid
says, 'One.'

The boss says, 'Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?'

The kid says, '$101,237.65.'

The boss says, '$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell?'

The kid says, 'First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing, and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department, and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition.'

The boss said 'A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?'

The kid said 'No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing."

A Quick Sale

A fifteen year-old boy came home with a Porsche and his parents began to yell and scream, "Where did you get that car???!!!"

He calmly told them, "I bought it today."

"With what money?" demanded his parents. We know what a Porsche costs."

"Well," said the boy, "this one cost me fifteen dollars."

So the parents began to yell even louder. "Who would sell a car like that for fifteen dollars?" they said.

"It was the lady up the street," said the boy. "I don't know her name they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Porsche for fifteen dollars ."

"Oh my Goodness," moaned the mother, "she must be a child abuser. Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what's going on."

So the boy's father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting petunias!

He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a Porsche for fifteen dollars and demanded to know why she did it.

"Well," she said, "this morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a business trip, but learned from a friend he has run off to Hawaii with his secretary and really doesn't intend to come back.

He claimed he was stranded and asked me to sell his new Porsche and send
him the money. So I did."

Gr8 Math (vid)

Tough Jeep (vid)

Toot Tone (vid)

Pay Attention (vid)

italian chewing gum (vid)

Nice Fireworks (vid)

oooops... (vid)

Toxic Waste (vid)

Text Message (vid)

Israel - could be dangerous (vid)

Amazing Pool Trix (vid)

WOW Someone is Flexible (vid)

Is this a Lakewood Driver??? (vid)

Someone has some luck!! (vid)

What not to do when you get stuck (vid)

How Not to Shoot... (vid)

Slow Down... (vid)

oooops or was that?? (vid)

McDonalds 24/7 (vid)

Stay Awake.. (vid)

Ouch (vid)

Damn Brothers (vid)

Do It in Private (vid)

Alarm Clock (vid)

Dropped something (vid)

Kid Drummer (vid)

Smell it Please.. (vid)

Help with Map (vid)

This is an Incredible story

>

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University .

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.

He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn't the same fucking elephant.

An Italian boy's confession

'Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl.'

The priest asks, 'is that you, little Joey Pagano?'

'Yes, Father, it is.'

'And who was the girl you were with?'

'I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation.'

'Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now 'Was it Tina Minetti?'

'I cannot say.'

'Was it Teresa Mazzarell

'I'll never tell.'

'Was it Nina Capelli?'

'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'

'Was it Cathy Piriano?'

'My lips are sealed.'

'Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?'

'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'

The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped, Joey Pagano, and I admire that, but you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.'

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, 'What'd you get?'

'Four months vacation and five good leads !!!!

Car accident on Camera (vid)

Theres what in the toilet??? (vid)

Guess Whats in da box (vid)

Twins (pic)

Keep the Cow Where??? (vid)

New From DeWalt

Originally designed to help in the rebuilding of New Orleans . Patent pending, must use US made nails, and must be above age 18 to purchase. Coupon available for free nails when purchased at Home Depot.

New from DeWalt: The NEW 16D Rapidfire Nail Gun

New nail gun, made by Dewalt. It can drive a 16D nail through a 2 X 4 at 200 yards.

This makes construction a breeze; you can sit in your lawn chair and build a fence.

Just get the wife and kids to hold the fence boards in place while you sit back, relax with a cold drink, when they have the board in the right place just fire away. With the hundred round magazine, you can build the fence with a minimum of reloading.

After a day of fence building with the new Dewalt Rapid fire nail gun, the wife will not ask you to fix or build anything else

Motivational Poster - Unique (pic)

Motivational Poster - This (pic)

Motivational Poster - Teamwork (pic)

Motivational Poster - Survival (pic)

Motivational Poster - Stereotypes (pic)

Motivational Poster - Rock Bottom (pic)

Motivational Poster - Insppiration (pic)

Motivational Poster - Envy (pic)

Motivational Poster - Creativity (pic)